Struggling!!

5/11(11pm)
i think everything has ended finally... i got my ans.. n i noe wat to do d...
5/11(3am)
i jz chat wif a fren.. he ask me be brave n tel him i lik him.. cuz at least i try b4.. better thn doing nth and regret.. yet, i stil vy scare to lose him due to my action, make him feel scare of me... i reali worry later he lik LRH, after knowing i lik him thn try to hide from me.. and lik chye, oso younger thn me 1 yr.. thn at the end, no more fren... WAT AM I GOING TO DO?? WAT SHOULD I DO?? PLS TEL ME!! ANY1 PLS TEL ME???? PLSSSSSSS!!
3/11
i failed to do it... i stil hoping 2 c him... chat wif him.. i unable 2 ctrl myself nt to think about him.. is hard... i dunwan to bcum lik tat.. i know if i keep on lik tis i'll get hurt at the end.. my mind, my soul... cant stand any pain anymore.. i dunwan my tears ever flow out cuz of a guy again... my sick wil gonna worsen lik last time.. i reali dunwan.. but i oso reali dunno wan hw 2 ctrl myself.. hw to save myself from my own demon hand...
26/10
i'v decided.. i'll nt find him anymore.. so that v'll alwaiz frenzz..
21/10
it suppose to be jz a normal fren.. however.. they keep asking izzit reali jz fren.. i nw started 2 suspect.. my feel to him.. reali jz fren?? i keep telling myself tat v reali jz fren.. but nw i reali nid 2 think properly.. the truth izzit wat i expecting? i'm nt sure wheather i lik him nt.. hwever.. i noe tat i feel lik alwaiz wanna chat wif him.. o find him.. izzit lik tat consider is i lik him?? can any1 tell me?? i vy confuse in feelings things.. if i reali lik him.. thn i shall keep a distance from him.. i dun wanna hv another LRH.. from frens becum stranger...