Struggling!!

5/11(11pm)
i think everything has ended finally... i got my ans.. n i noe wat to do d...
5/11(3am)
i jz chat wif a fren.. he ask me be brave n tel him i lik him.. cuz at least i try b4.. better thn doing nth and regret.. yet, i stil vy scare to lose him due to my action, make him feel scare of me... i reali worry later he lik LRH, after knowing i lik him thn try to hide from me.. and lik chye, oso younger thn me 1 yr.. thn at the end, no more fren... WAT AM I GOING TO DO?? WAT SHOULD I DO?? PLS TEL ME!! ANY1 PLS TEL ME???? PLSSSSSSS!!
3/11
i failed to do it... i stil hoping 2 c him... chat wif him.. i unable 2 ctrl myself nt to think about him.. is hard... i dunwan to bcum lik tat.. i know if i keep on lik tis i'll get hurt at the end.. my mind, my soul... cant stand any pain anymore.. i dunwan my tears ever flow out cuz of a guy again... my sick wil gonna worsen lik last time.. i reali dunwan.. but i oso reali dunno wan hw 2 ctrl myself.. hw to save myself from my own demon hand...
26/10
i'v decided.. i'll nt find him anymore.. so that v'll alwaiz frenzz..
21/10
it suppose to be jz a normal fren.. however.. they keep asking izzit reali jz fren.. i nw started 2 suspect.. my feel to him.. reali jz fren?? i keep telling myself tat v reali jz fren.. but nw i reali nid 2 think properly.. the truth izzit wat i expecting? i'm nt sure wheather i lik him nt.. hwever.. i noe tat i feel lik alwaiz wanna chat wif him.. o find him.. izzit lik tat consider is i lik him?? can any1 tell me?? i vy confuse in feelings things.. if i reali lik him.. thn i shall keep a distance from him.. i dun wanna hv another LRH.. from frens becum stranger...

I have a new friend ^^

He is a junior for DCA.. We are same class for cost control subject.. But i noticed his existence when we go for a part time job.. For the very 1st time i saw him.. I felt very close to him.. Just as he is my family, like my brother.. Those who read my blog de.. Dun kap siao say i in love with him.. I chop u 99..

16OCT2009
Last friday 9oct, he went back to hometown... I met him at T2... So.. I teased him.. Have a little chat with him since he quite quiet..
When we saw each other in campus.. I dunno why.. Somehow.. I feel happy and smile to him.. Then now we getting closer.. Starting we are stranger to each other.. Now we will chat, sometimes.. I have added him in Fb.. So i can "gek po", knowing him better..
I'm pretty sure that I'm not in love with him.. However.. I dunno y i have the feeling, intend to know him well... Care about him like his is my brother.. This is quite wired... And i dun get it y things can happen like this...
But caring a person has no harm, right... As long as I'm clear what I'm thinking.. what I'm doing.. Then is nothing wrong ^^V
If he become my "brother", then me ma from having 1 biological brother become having 4 brothers @@"
Anyway.. I'm happy knowing him ^^

17OCT2009
Now i'v even added his msn... hehhe.. Furthermore.. I found that he not only quiet, he oso vy KAWAIIIII!!! But hor.. sometime chat til halfway.. he jz sign off @@ jz go away lik that... zzz reali aaa.. he win d ==
Since now quite often chat with him... I can say tat.. He reali a bit good boy.. slp early..

20OCT2009
Today i went for lunch at Flamme.. I'v required a special request however cant be fulfill... haizzz.. disappointment.. He sell mocktail with pushing trolley arround.. Making me remembering last time i did that too.. When he come to my table.. I said: i wanna laugh d.. He said: me too.. Then we both laughed.. Jynn,Andrea,Stefan watching us seems like we gone nuts,but they also laugh together with us.. XD hahah funny friends...
I get his hp no from a friend 2day.. cuz wanna inform him class changed.. but from the begining til the end.. he nvr pick my call o reply my sms.. i tot i wrong no.. boom dao... ==

I'm Sad

I'm sad... the one who i always care for.. whom i always believe that he will be my side whenever i needed him.. hurt me so much.. did i done something wrong?? why are you say such things to hurt me so much.. we have know each other for 5 years.. and i appreciate our friendship.. however... u never care about my feelings... you always says something to hurt my feelings.. my pride.. although I'm playful.. but doesn't mean you can scorn me like that...

I like to wear formal wear, dress.. u say me old...
I like to play games, break dance,mix with guys.. u say.. i'm never a girl to u...
I'm sick.. i cant dance anymore.. and that's y i gain weight due to medic & no exercise.. u keep laughing at me every time we meet...

Do u know that.. whenever i meet difficulties.. hard time.. i'll think about u.. wishing u'll at my side support me..however.. i don't think that this will not be happening forever..... as u are the 1 who causing me most pain....

The last time v met..10oct, Saturday.. U almost cause me cry.. but when i remember that u have said that u are afraid of girls crying.. so i hold my tears... but however.. in your heart.. i never is a girl...